TOO MUCH ! AURAL FIXATION and information overload! (don't read this unless you really, really want to know)

 i hope that i am not pushing the line of "appropriate" too far. (please follow the links to hear  the songs)

Song #1: "SWEET DREAMS (ARE MADE OF THIS)"  MARILYN MANSON

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6VojYGrnpg          

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
I wanna use you and abuse you
I wanna know what's inside you
(Whispering) Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Hold your head up, movin' on
Keep your head up, movin' on
Movin' on!
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
I'm gonna use you and abuse you
I'm gonna know what's inside
Gonna use you and abuse you
I'm gonna know what's inside you

ok. here we go. this was my high school anthem and continued to be a masochist security blanket for years to come; through heartbreak, misunderstanding, drinking, drinking, more heartbreak, piercings and hair dyes, drug abuse, depression, a dash more heartbreak, some more drinking, self-hatred, hatred of the world, cutting, a bit more depression, a few more drugs, and honestly just a lot more heartbreak. this is the first time i've listened to this song for a long while and i'm covered with goosebumps and have a cold sensation in my core where it feels like my soul's fire has been extinguished and is now cowering away somewhere deep inside, in a dark, dark place. i can remember spending hours, sometimes not sleeping at all, just listening to this song on repeat, tearing and slicing through my headphones at the loudest decibel i could stand... you may have noticed i have a slight crutch of reading lips and eyes  or tilting my ear towards someone to be able to decipher what someone is saying especially when there is background noise. i think i identified with this song so much because this guy did not fit in, and he didn't care. he had such an off-putting recklessness and style, that just being a known fan gave you the elbow room and sense of power that others got from popularity or physical strength.  shall we move on?

SONG #2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-sP-DdMluc

Modest Mouse
The Moon & Antarctica (2000)
Gravity Rides Everything

Oh gotta see gotta know right now.                                                    
What's that riding on your everything?
It isn't anything at all.
Oh gotta see gotta know right now.
What's that writing on your shelf in the bathrooms and
the bad motels
No one really cared for it at all
Not the gravity plan.
Early Early in the morning it pulls all on down my sore feet
I wanna go back to sleep.
In the motions and the things that you say.
It all will fall, fall right into place
As fruit drops, flesh it sags
Everything will fall/right into place
When we die some sink and some lay
But at least I don't see you float away
And all the spilt milk sex and weight

It all will fall, fall right into place.

this was a phoenix song for me. this song found me near the end of  my coke period...i was finally feeling popular, wanted, sexually adequate, i was finally the asshole i always wanted to be, i was finally able to hurt people the way they hurt me, i was also dropping $50 a night on cocaine, $150 a week on weed, and racking up a huge amount of debt because everything in life had to be paid via credit card. i thought i was living in a dream... the only dreamlike quality it really had was that it was not reality. thank God this was a quick lived few months... i went from 0-60 like it was my life's mission...then He dipped His finger in the whirlpool and i was blessed with a daughter from a girl i had known for only a month. this obviously changed everything...habits, friends, every bit of this new persona i was building dissolved, and i realized i wasn't sad about it...at all. for the first time in my life i was ok. i was ok with me, the real me. i was ok with my mistakes. i was ok with not knowing what would be next. and this song aided the voyage(especially over the next few turbulent years). i truly believed ( and still do) that "all the spilt milk, sex, and weight [of life]; it all will fall, fall right into place"

ahh...time for the denouement...
SONG#3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07sokZ0kXzY

How The Day Sounds by Greg Laswell                                                 
Oh who would have ever known this?
Could be this easy
I was a long, long way off
Then just like that it was over
Everything I knew of loveI was a long, long way off
And I think I like how the day sounds
Like how the day sounds through this new song

Thank you for opening the window
The sky is clear as my mind is now
I was a long, long way off
Join me in welcoming the sun in
It's much brighter than the night I hid in
I was a long, long way off

And I think I like how the day sounds
Like how the day sounds through this new song
And I think I like how the day sounds
Like how the day sounds through this new song

From a long way down.

Yeah, it's well worth the time that its taken to get here now
Yeah, it's well worth the time that its taken to get here now

Ba da dum...

So go ahead and bang a gong
Nothing can drown out the sound and the whisper of my love
And I think I like how the day sounds
Like how the day sounds through this new song
And I think I like how the day sounds
Like how the day sounds through this new song
Through this new song
Through this new song

And the blinds have all been drawn
I know where I belong, where I belong,
Where I belong
And the blinds have all been drawn
I know where I belong
Where I belong

And I think I like how the day sounds
Like how the day sounds through this new song
And I think I like how the day sounds
Like how the day sounds through this new song

Oh, won't you sing along
Oh, my love won't you sing along
this was the first song, on the first mix tape my fiance made me. this song heralds the same new life, new meaning mantra i am drawn to and is particularly fitting that the girl who introduced me to this ballad is now my new song.